Last night, our local group of moms got together for the monthly GIP Mama Circle. That GIP part? It stands for Gestate in Peace/Grow in Peace. We could all use space to do that, don’t you think?
The topic was Burnout.
We have all ben there. We are either trying to balance motherhood with a full work schedule, or we are balancing the addition of new baby into the already established family routine, or perhaps we are a single parent just struggling to make everything work.
Burnout: a state of physical and emotional exhaustion
As a mom of nine myself, I can definitely relate to Mama Burnout. Baby #1 wasn’t always such a struggle...
unless you count the times when feeding wasn’t working well, or when teething was raging on, or when the weather and activities just weren’t quite right and the buzz word for the day was CRANKY.
...but the ones that came later...oy!
You have a new baby and the hormones are all over the place, the family dynamic is struggling to find a new balance and routine, sleep patterns are changing (if they even seem to exist at all, right?), family isn’t always there to lend a hand like they might have been for the firstborn.
Life just catches up way too fast it seems. When you make it through one issue or concern, there’s another one waiting around the corner. It’s how motherhood tends to play out. You find a comfortable routine and bam, something pops up in the path. Every mother deals with it. Maybe one has found ways to cope that work for her and you just don’t see the burnout creeping in, but if they tell you they’ve never had a burnout problem, they’re just not being honest.
I, too, had everything under control.
Until I didn’t.
As one blog post put it, that’s the thing about being a mom though, you don’t get a breather, a personal day, a personal assistant. This is not a regular job. There aren’t regular hours. We show up day after day and do our spectacular, impossible, exhausting job.
It is what it is. We love what we do, but we’d so love a little help.
Last night, every mom there had a story as well. One spoke of sending emails to her husband while he was at work. He didn’t get them there, but it was cathartic and a healing way of coping thru her day to write it all out and send it anyway. He would come home and she would grab the chance to go out for a bit. Nothing special, just a trip alone to Walmart, no shopping, just peace and quiet and a time to collect her thoughts.
One knotted up her fists and pounded on her bed, letting out a nice, gutteral scream in frustration to clear her head and refocus a bit.
We lived pretty far out from town so it wasn’t a ‘quick run to town’ for me that helped, it was walking away for a short time.
Of course you should never, ever, leave your child unattended, but if you have tended to their feeding and diaper change, if they have been safely tucked away in a playpen or their crib, when you are certain there is a high level of safety around them, walk outside for a few moments. We had a long driveway, so I would head to the mailbox and back, very slowly. I might take the baby monitor with me and go to the barn to feed the livestock we had. Anything to be away to myself for a few moments.
Never underestimate what the seemingly simple act of wandering though Walmart, letting out a primal scream, or walking outside for a few moments can do. It won’t take away the problems completely, but it will infuse your mind with fresh air, allow you a break for a short time, and that can make all the difference in the world.
Here are some common signs of burnout to be aware of:
Irritability
Exhaustion
Low productivity (Not being able to complete responsibilities and tasks; caring for yourself, children, partner/spouse, volunteer and/or work responsibilities)
Problems sleeping
Reduced enjoyment of your children
Teeth grinding or clenching jaw and/or jaw pain
Negative attitudes (about oneself and/or others)
Lack of motivation
Decline in job performance
Lack of interest in activities once enjoyed
Knowing what to look for can be helpful, but having someone to talk to about these feelings can also help. Your spouse or partner, a trusted friend, your pastor...there are always those who will listen and offer some thoughts, and prayers, for you. If you don’t feel you are able to shake free of your feelings, or feel the burnout is closing in around you, please talk to your nurse or doctor. Mama burnout is common, but it doesn’t have to be debilitating for you. There is help out there. Please know you are not alone in your feelings at all.
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