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Writer's pictureHands and Hearts Birth

Pregnancy Disillusionment

Updated: Oct 25, 2022


We really do need to stop trying to place doctors on a pedestal in this country. Some are amazing, sure...by and large however, that is not the case. They are HUMAN and they are going to make mistakes just as often as the rest of us do.

The majority of birth travesties are not mistakes though. They are ill based protocols designed to increase the dollar signs of the hospital, clinic, doctor collaborative, etc. They have an agenda, they have protocols, they have preconceived ideas that have no basis in anything evidence-based whatsoever. They are planned out to be exactly what they end up being 😞

Do I believe all of this simply because I am in the birthworker community now? No. I have always believed this to be true. Of a total of 10 pregnancies, I was a textbook compliant patient for 3 only. The first, I was young and utterly stupid and did whatever I was told, and didn't ask questions, based on that age and stupidity. My 2nd ended in emergency cesarean for a baby who survived only a short time. I had no experience with our pregnancy issues, it was before good internet, so my only connection with others with any of those issues came in the form of a bereavement support group afterward. My 3rd compliant pregnancy was the one following the loss. I was compliant because I was still far lesser educated in the experience, I was scared, and I trusted my doctor.

All went well for each of those and I would likely go back in time and do things in a fairly similar manner. That said, my remaining 7 pregnancies went much differently. I was not a compliant patient on any level. I never accepted anything asked or told of me without A LOT of discussion and information sharing. I didn’t want to hear anyone’s “shining bits of wisdom” without knowing the WHY behind it and the WHAT IF scenarios of not doing this or that. In other words, I was likely considered one of “those” patients that were talked about among doctors and staff that had contact with me.

Whatever. I’m perfectly ok with that. These we’re MY pregnancies, MY babies, and I was the only one (well, my husband was as well obviously) with any real form of vested interest in the outcome. I didn’t know any more during most of these pregnancies than I did with those first 3 pregnancies, but what I didn’t know, I ASKED ABOUT now until I received an answer I was comfortable with. I did not allow a doctor to spend 5 minutes with me, pat me on the back and walk out the door leaving me wondering about anything. I loved my nurses and some of them were great in helping find answers now and then, but I wasn’t paying them...I was paying that doctor and it was from the doctor I expected my answers to come.

These days, modern as we have become in so many areas, we are still deeply backwards with maternity care. A woman is a woman and doctors and hospitals need to recognize that. Your ethnicity, your home address, your insurance provider, your bank account DOES NOT MATTER. You are still a human being, a birthing woman, a person that is just as important as the next one. We need to stand beside the women who are being pushed aside and dismissed. We need to educate them so they can find the power of their voice and demand the same “privileges” afforded to those with “right” zip codes, bank accounts, insurance cards, skin color.

Having a baby in the United States should not be a time of fear for any woman and her family. Read all the books you can, attend a childbirth education class, hit up Facebook for a local pregnancy or moms group for support and education, hire a doula!



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